


Loneliness Took Me For A Ride

by GotTheSilver



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-10
Updated: 2012-11-10
Packaged: 2017-11-18 08:28:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/558916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GotTheSilver/pseuds/GotTheSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-summer finale fix it fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loneliness Took Me For A Ride

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little something because I missed writing these guys and this wanted to be told.
> 
> Title from Angel by Aerosmith.

It takes Mike a while to notice, but eventually he does. Harvey isn’t - it’s not like Harvey has ever been particularly emotional with Mike, feelings are still mostly a foreign concept, but lately he’s been backing off. Mike doesn’t expect hugs, although he’d pay to see Harvey hug anyone, but he doesn’t think he’s wrong to think that there’d been something between them besides work. That they were maybe even friends. There were even times when he’d thought that possibly - but obviously that was just his brain working overtime and it’s not like he ever expected anything to happen, not really. But he’d thought they were more than just colleagues.

This whole thing didn’t happen instantly, if Mike thinks about it he can place it around a week after his Gram - after they got rid of Hardman. And now that Mike’s noticed, he can’t stop his mind running. Like, what if now Hardman’s gone, Jessica’s told Harvey he has to fire Mike and Harvey - there’s no bargaining now. He has no hand to play if Jessica wants Mike out. It’s not like Mike isn’t prepared for that happening and he’d be okay, he would, but he’d appreciate some indication if that’s what is going to happen. He doesn’t quite understand why Harvey wouldn’t tell him if Jessica wants him out. So maybe it’s not that Jessica wants him out, but it’s that Harvey wants him out. Wants him gone. Mike’s pretty sure that isn’t what is going on, but he just can’t stop his mind from circling that one thought.

Harvey’s been giving him work, been burying him in work, actually. Which is good, it’s keeping Mike’s mind from thinking too much about his Gram, or about Rachel, or Tess. Tess, who left after that one night to go back to her husband and Mike, he can’t help the guilt that churns in his stomach about that. It was wrong, it was a mistake, but he was hurting and she’d been there for him. She’d known Gram like he’d known Gram and - he’d needed that. He’d really needed that. It was only when Rachel had turned up at his door that he’d realised what he’d done, that going backwards with Tess was not what his Gram wanted for him.

Mike had tried to apologise to Rachel, but she didn’t want to hear it, he can’t blame her, not really. He’s screwed up so many times, pushing her away, attempting to drag her back. Rachel wouldn’t be the woman she was if she put up with his behaviour any longer. He hates that he did this, made a stupid decision that made her choice final, but Mike - he can’t help but respect her for it.

So he comes to work and he stays for as long as possible before he goes home, chokes down some food and falls into bed. It’s how his life has been for almost a month now. Halfway through the month, he’d found himself cycling halfway to the Home before he realised what he was doing. Mike had stopped dead in the road, dumb luck avoiding a serious accident and - cried. He’d taken his bike off the road, found a bench and cried because it hurt so damn much his heart was actually aching. The work has filled the empty space where his Gram used to be. It’s not healthy, but it’s healthier than any of his previous coping methods.

Harvey’s given him another file to go through and - he just threw it on Mike’s desk with a post-it note detailing what he wanted done. No personal contact, no joking around and Mike’s not sure how much of this he can take. It’s the uncertainty he can’t deal with, not knowing why Harvey’s treating him like this and, shit, he knows he sounds like a whining child in his head. Mike just wants something to be normal again and, as fucked up as it is, his relationship with Harvey is the only thing close to normal he has right now. It’s not like he wants to push this, he’s terrified that his fears could be true and he’s going to be fired, but it’s making him crazy not knowing. So. He has to talk to Harvey. Worse, he has to talk to Donna. Donna’s been acting almost as stand-offish as Harvey, but with the addition of little barbs directed his way and, seriously, he needs to know what’s going on.

\--

It takes him awhile, and a couple of mugs of coffee, to make his way over to Harvey’s office. Donna looks up when he gets there and he almost feels like running back to his desk.

“Is he busy?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

Donna stops typing and narrows her eyes at him. “On what you want to say to him.”

“What I - Donna, I don’t even know what I’ve done to make him -” Mike sighs. “Look, can I just talk to him? Please?”

“Just tread carefully. You might set off some mines.”

“I don’t even know how to respond to that.”

Mike shakes his head and pushes the door open. He steps into the office and waits. Harvey doesn’t say anything. Mike starts to fidget before sitting down on the couch, Harvey doesn’t look up, doesn’t twitch, nothing. He’s not even telling Mike to get out and, okay, this is seriously starting to make Mike worry. Mike bites his bottom lip before he gets up and walks over to Harvey’s desk.

“There something you need, Mike?”

“Uh.”

“That’s informative.”

“I didn’t even say - did I do something? Because you normally tell me if I screw up, so -”

“I tell you if you screw up with work,” Harvey interrupts. “You haven’t.”

“Okay. So if I haven’t screwed up with work then why are you pissed?”

“I’m not pissed.”

“Harvey, would you look at me?” Mike reaches over and slams Harvey’s laptop shut.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Harvey looks up at him, eyes blazing. “I don’t give a shit what you think is going on, you don’t do that. Ever.”

“This is you not pissed? Seriously, Harvey, what the hell?” Mike takes a few steps back from the desk because, okay, he’s seriously annoyed Harvey. But he’s not going to let up because he needs to know why Harvey’s been doing this, why he’s been pushing Mike away.

“It’s not important.”

“Uh, yeah, it is because I have no idea what’s going on. Harvey, look, I don’t have Trevor, I don’t have Rachel, I don’t have my Gram, all I have left is this job and you’re treating me like -”

“Like what? An associate? A colleague? Because that’s what you are.” Harvey leans back in his chair and, yeah, Mike can see the mask on his face. Harvey’s face is blank, his eyes shuttered and Mike has no real idea how to break past that.

“Okay. Right. I thought after - never mind, I was obviously wrong. I just - I don’t know what I did.” Mike turns to leave and walks slowly to the door. He can feel Harvey’s eyes on him and he wants to turn around and not leave until Harvey tells him what the hell is going on. Mike has his pride, though. Sort of.

“Wait.”

Mike pauses before he sighs and turns around. “What? What could you possibly have to say, Harvey? You’ve made it perfectly clear you have no desire to explain yourself.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Do what? What is it I did? I’m really confused here.”

Harvey waits a moment before he answers. “Sleep with a married woman.”

Well, shit. Mike has no idea how Harvey even knows about Tess, though he’d place bets on it being a combination of Rachel and Donna, and why does Harvey even care? Which, okay, that’s not fair. It’s not. Because Mike knows why Harvey cares, knows that it wasn’t easy for Harvey to tell him what his mother did and then Mike went and. Yeah, Mike knows why Harvey cares. He just doesn’t know if it’s more than that.

“I didn’t know you knew about that.”

“Obviously.”

“It wasn’t - she’s back with her husband. I was just, my Grandmother had died, I had no one there for me and she turned up at my door, she knew my Gram, Harvey, knew her like I knew her. It wasn’t meant to - it was comfort. That’s all it was.”

“But you knew she was married.”

“Yeah.”

Harvey nods to himself slowly. “I understand that you felt alone, I get that. But if you felt that alone why didn’t you call someone?”

“Who? Who would I call? There’s,” Mike clears his throat. “There’s no one.” He’s not looking at Harvey, he can’t because this is something he’s been avoiding. He’s alone now. Actually, truly alone.

“You could’ve called Rachel, hell, you could’ve called me. Mike, you didn’t have to be alone, you didn’t have to -”

“Sleep with Tess? Yeah, I know that. I made a mistake and that’s fine, I get that. Rachel has finally given up on me, I’ve wrecked whatever friendship I could’ve had with Tess and you - I don’t even know what to think about with you.”

“Mike -”

“Don’t. You fight for me to keep this job, you come to me to help you get rid of Hardman and then you push me away, treat me like any other associate and don’t even bother to tell me why? Do you have any idea how fucking lonely I’ve been, Harvey? And now you want me to what? Apologise to you for sleeping with a married woman?”

“I don’t want you to -”

“I get that you have issues because of your mother, I get that. But that’s not my problem. Fuck, the way you’ve been treated me, anyone would think I cheated on you.”

There’s deathly silence and Mike replays what he just said. Which, okay, that’s on a top ten list of worst things to say to your boss. Mike tries to think of something to say, anything, but his mind’s a blank for once.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Harvey looks at him. “You heard me. You’re right, it was wrong of me to treat you like that.”

“Okay, but,” Mike stares at Harvey. “Is that - I don’t want to assume here, but. Was this treatment all about your mother? Or was it something else?”

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

“No, no, I think I do. I think I deserve that from you.”

Harvey rubs a hand over his face. Mike’s never seen him flustered like this and it’s - well, it’s not unappealing. “It’s not. Just about my mother, I mean.”

“Huh.”

“I would never want to - I’m your boss, Mike. It’s inappropriate and it’s breaking the rules -”

“Because we’ve both been so concerned with following rules around here, right?”

“It wouldn’t be right.”

Mike’s found his way back to Harvey’s desk. He stands at the side, watches the way Harvey’s fingers tap an invisible pattern on the edge of the closed laptop. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes.” Harvey sighs, closing his eyes.

“Do you want this? All work bullshit aside. Do you want this? Because I honestly cannot understand why you’d get so pissed about me sleeping with Tess if this, if what we could have, wasn’t important to you.”

“I do want this, want you.”

“Then do me a favour?”

“What?”

Mike crouches down until he’s level with Harvey’s chair. “Open your eyes?”

As soon as Harvey does, Mike leans forwards and kisses him. Mike’s hands rest on Harvey’s thighs for balance until Harvey surges up from the chair and pulls Mike with him. They keep kissing, Harvey’s tongue licking against the seam of Mike’s lips until Mike opens his mouth, lets Harvey in. Mike can’t resist, he tugs at Harvey’s tie, winds it around his hand and smiles into the kiss until Harvey pulls away. He looks wrecked, lips red, eyes dark and Mike really fucking hates that they’re in the office right now. But Harvey’s smiling at him and, shit, it’s been too long since that’s happened.

“Okay?”

“More than.”

“Good,” Harvey presses a quick kiss against Mike’s lips. “Now get back to work. I’ll come by when I’m done here.”

“As always, your sentimental side is overwhelming.” Mike remarks, a grin on his face.

Harvey laughs and Mike hadn’t realised how much he’s missed that until now. He walks back to his cubicle with Harvey’s laughter ringing in his ears and sits back at his desk. Mike glances at the photo of his Gram by the side of his monitor and smiles a little. He’s not okay, he’s going to miss her every day, he knows that. But Mike also knows he’ll be able to deal with it a little better as each day passes. And maybe she’ll see that, maybe she’ll see that he’ll be okay without her. That he’ll try and be the person she saw in him. It broke his heart to lose her, and he hates himself a little for how many people he hurt in the aftermath, but Mike hopes - he wants to be better. He has to be better. For his Gram, and yeah, okay - for Harvey.


End file.
